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Fictional Medical Records

Jo March, white female, age 26

Patient examined by town doctor at 2:15 PM 1/16 in her Concord home, which doubles as a school for boys. Her reported symptoms are tingling / numbness / pain in right thumb and three fingers, possibly due to many years of writing stories, plays, and a new book about life with her three sisters (Little Women). Probable diagnostic billing code: G56.01 – Carpal tunnel syndrome, right upper limb. Splint applied to wrist and wrapped with bandage. Patient instructed to manage her temper and do not lift heavy objects. 1/18 16:38 CF

John McClane, white male, age 33

Patient examined in ED at 2:36 AM 12/25 with severe pedal lacerations on left foot sustained during police work during terrorist incident at Nakatomi Corporation. Barefoot at the time and under threat from suspects’ H&K MP5 submachine guns, patient escaped by running across shards of shattered office glass. Condition exacerbated by rappelling from building roof during explosion and crashing into glass of vacant office. Probable diagnostic billing code: W25.XXXA - Contact with sharp glass, initial encounter. Lacerations cleaned, sutured, and bandaged. Patient refused pain medications. Discharged under care of wife Holly and limousine driver. 12/25 05:26 LMF

Ralphie Parker, white male, age 9

Patient was admitted for examination at 11:35 AM, 12/25, still wearing pajamas, with a 1.27cm laceration under right eye. First stated cause was icicle falling from garage gutter. Shortly thereafter patient said he was in his backyard with favorite Christmas present: A Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle. Probable diagnostic billing code: Y24.0 - Airgun discharge, undetermined intent. Patient's eyeglasses also pulverized during incident. Laceration cleaned and bandaged. Patient discharged. 12/25 15:35 CF